Things That Suck

In no particular order:


Directors who actually look over my head to ask the operator to "Go faster," "Go slower," etc. You do realize that I'm actually here, don't you?

Actors, usually under the age of twenty-five, who don't understand how the camera works. If you can't see it it can't see you. If you completely change your action or speed out of the gate and veer off on some wild course, it's almost impossible for the camera operator and I to keep up, much less guess what cockamamie thing you're going to do next. If you go from sitting normally in one take to dropping into a chair and out of frame the next, it just adds a take, and everyone who knows anything knows it was your fault. Someone needs to teach these youngsters that there's more to it than just the acting.

DPs who pick the dolly for you without actually having a conversation with you. I do not understand why they care which dolly I push. They all do the same thing. Wouldn't you rather me have the one I am most comfortable with? It's not 1975. Many advancements have been made in dolly technology and I may actually be better able to use one rather than the other.

PAs who actually try to keep me out of the set while I'm doing my job. Dude, do you hear the DP calling my name? I've done five pictures with the first AD. I'll tell him you're an idiot.

Being shushed. I'm not five. If you shush me one more time I'll flick a booger on you when you're not looking.

Steel track.

DPs, Ops who want to keep the slider on for every shot. Who do you usually work with? Where's the trust?

People who kick the track accidentally and then just keep walking like it doesn't matter. Either replace the wedge you just kicked out or tell me you did it and apologize. Yes, I'm talking to you.

Having to look for a stinger on every shot. No, I'm not going to pump it manually. It's your job. Leave me a stinger and tell me where it is. Please.

Seat offsets.

People who stand in doorways.

People who stand in front of the coffee machine. What are you, guarding it? Get your cup and move on.

Fraturdays.



Cables. Someday someone will invent a way to send pictures through the air. We will call it "wireless."

Location Managers who habitually find locations that are either totally impractical ("You can put all your equipment in this five square foot space, but stay off the sidewalk!"), or take us 30 miles outside the zone for a nondescript house with a tree in the front yard.

To be continued.....